I saw this video on of our sisters' blogs quite a while ago. She hasn't blogged in several weeks now, and I am starting to worry about her. I hope she is okay. This song is so beautiful, and the accompanying visuals melt me. The whole thing really touches my soul in deep places every time I watch. Have you seen it? I hope I will get to the point the song is talking about someday.
Today was one of those days. It was so painful, my heart was so broken, my soul was so shattered, that it was hard to breathe. It was hard to walk. More than anything, I wanted to crumple into a trembling heap, soaking the world with my tears. But I didn't. I made it through another day. And I will do it again tomorrow. And the next day too.
I'm starting to learn. Everyone has a story. The other day, one of my good friends said, "Treat everyone as if they are going through a tragedy in their life, and 80 percent of the time, you will be right."
If nothing else, my trials are teaching me compassion. At least, I'm trying to let them mold me into something better. One step. One. step. at. a time.
sometimes i think it's ok to "break down" and sob like crazy. I like to get my cry out...really just wash my face with tears and bawl until it's just a sniffle and then the sniffle calms down and it's just a shaky breath. And then when I'm all done releasing all those emotions i can breathe clearer and see clearer and somehow have the strength to do whatever needs to be done...like walking, only now, my feet don't feel so heavy.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your in such intense pain Angel. Wish I could hold your hand and hug you and let you sob.
I absolutely love this music. It is so sweet, moving, and powerful. And true. I love what April said about bawling until there's nothing left. Sometimes after those painful and long cries were the only times I could sleep, because they left me so drained. Half-steps are okay too.
ReplyDeleteI love you. We all do. So, so much.
Dang it Angel... I know exactly what you describe and it is such a lonely road. I still feel it at times. The magnitude of my anguish has subsided substantially, BUT it still creeps around every now and again.
ReplyDeleteYou made it through today and with time, it will get easier and easier... and like my shrink said, one day you will wake up and it will all be just an 'interesting memory'.
Sending you big FAT virtual hugs tonight! And you too April....
XOXOXO
I thought I had compassion before. I've always been a compassionate person. Turns out i had room to grow, and I have learned to be so much more compassionate. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I'm with April on the crying thing, too. I'm definitely a positive thinker, but I think it's okay to be sad when life is sad.
ReplyDeleteThings like this make me know I have SO FAR to go here. Because I still struggle to feel like this is really necessary. I look at all of those people sturggling with all of those things and I'm sad for them. I'm sad and I struggle to see the beautiful part of it.
ReplyDeletethere are always days I am stronger than others. And there are definite times I don't even want to get out of bed, but just cry in my pillow over the events that have caused me pain in my life. I don't know where I picked this idea up, but I have thought for a long time that all my tears are counted, so when I feel like a good sob, I kneel down, and put my head on my bed or pillow and imagine it is our Heavenly Father...and he's stroking my hair, and crying with me...just like I would do with my children when they are hurting and learning along the way. And I can feel his love, that I am not abandoned by Him, and that He wants me to be happy. Since I can't be there with you, I hope you will remember that He is, and that he is waiting with you, and loving you all along the way :)
ReplyDeletefor some reason, i'm dying to know...is your sister ok? i hope so.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, April. She still hasn't answered me. I guess at this point all I can do is pray that she's making it through. We all pull away like that sometimes, though. Right? I know I do.
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