Sunday, May 13, 2012

To the mothers

realgoesright
I've been wondering all day what to say to you. It hasn't been an easy day. Special occasions just aren't easy in the middle of a yucky divorce. And that's just the way it's going to for a while, I guess. But it's getting progressively better. At least this time, I didn't quarantine myself to my room for the entire day, collapse on the floor behind my bed, and cry my eyes out ... um, I mean, not like that has happened during any recent holidays or anything ... errrrr ... moving on ... But seriously, it was a pretty good day. Even though my heart is hurting, I enjoyed my extended family immensely, and I relished my boys. And I thought about all of you. A lot. Chances are if your are visiting my spot you or someone you know doesn't have that picture-perfect ideal family like the primary kids were singing about in church this morning. This year, the second verse of "Love is Spoken Here" was especially hard for me:

Mine is a home where every hour
is blessed by the strength of priesthood power
With father and mother leading the way
Teaching me how to trust and obey;
And the things they teach are crystal clear,
For love is spoken here.

As I watched my little son singing his heart out -- singing those words -- a sharp jolt replaced the sappy smile on my face and my skin began to crawl as I realized ... that is not his home at all. The poor choices of another have robbed that from him. And my heart broke for him. Maybe you are like me. Maybe that is not your home either. Maybe there is no priesthood, no father, no trust, no love. Maybe the things you teach are not crystal clear to your children because the things you teach are not reflected in the examples set within that home. But you know what? There is another verse to the song:

I see my mother kneeling with our family each day.
I hear the words she whispers as she bows her head to pray.
Her plea to the Father quiets all my fears,
And I am thankful love is spoken here.

I can often feel the Savior near
When love is spoken here.

At the end of the day (which it is ... and boy am I tired!), my conclusion is this: I have done all that I can. I have taught my children the gospel. I have maintained a home where the Savior is the focus and where scripture study is a mainstay. I've knelt with my family each day and I will continue to do so every day for the rest of my life, because even though my home has been destroyed and my dreams of having an eternal family have been shattered, I have the power to keep doing what I know is right. Others may have the power to change my circumstances, but they don't have the power to change who I am. And if I remain strong and faithful, whispering and bowing my head and pleading with the Lord (or offering perhaps a more voluminous plea from time to time--okay maybe a lot of the time lately), I hope with all my heart that I will, indeed, be able to quiet all my children's fears. And I hope they will hear love spoken in the home I will build for them and feel the Savior near. I have to believe that I can make it happen if I just keep going on the path I started on. So, this bump in the road feels a little like a mountain? Bring on the climbing gear, baby! I'm going up and over! 

To wrap things up, I'd just like to leave a thought with you from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. It was sent to me today by someone I love very much and it really touched me: 


"Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, better than you are, and better than you have ever been. And if, for whatever reason, you are making this courageous effort alone, without your husband at your side, then our prayers will be all the greater for you. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you. We thank all of you, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God. 

May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”  (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership With God")


13 comments:

  1. I really, really needed to read this today. Thank you, so so much.

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    1. I love you. I thought of you when I wrote this, you know... because I know you are that mother kneeling in prayer, pleading with the Father. You are an amazing woman. Smile, momma. ;)

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  2. You wrote a beautiful post, and you are right -- you have done all within your power to lead your family in righteousness. God can make up the rest!

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    1. THANKS for the reminder Marlee! Reading your comment made me stop and take a deep breath.

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    2. This is so beautiful and every sentence is true. Us women, mothers are doing an amazing job. Marlee is right...you are doing everything. What a fantastic and lovely mother you are!

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  3. I'm sorry you had to have that sharp icky feeling during what should have been a beautiful time enjoying your son's singing. For me, it was nursing the baby before Church and watching some Church video about how husband's should raise their daughters (the focus being "love their mother"), as it talked about words like 'loyalty' to their wife, and teaching their daughters about the value of womanhood, all I could think about was that my husband hasn't been loyal to me (at least not mentally) and how he reduces every woman in view to nothing more than her parts, and all the sudden, while my kids were downstairs making french toast for Mother's Day with their Dad, all I could think about was how terrified I was to raise daughters with this man if he doesn't figure out how to change who he's become. Including icky fears of "what about when our daughters start to develop breasts and their teenage friends come over in tight tops." And kicking myself all over again for letting this problem 'slide' for so long, and now wondering if it would forever haunt my family, and even eventually put my children in harms way. Not the best Mother's Day. Thank you for your words, your wonderful reminders and the spirit of this post . . . I needed it.

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    1. Anytime, m'dear. That's what we're here for. We are here for each other.

      You go, momma, nursing your baby that morning. I too am bummed that Mother's Day had to be an "icky" day. I thought that was such a great description for the day. Icky. That's how I felt. But you know, we gotta press forward, right? Can't worry about what we did or didn't do in years past or up to now -- just keep putting one foot in front of the other and believing we'll be given the guidance we need when we cross new bridges. You'll get there when you have teen girls. You'll figure it out. The Lord will guide you. Just keep praying, studying these things out in your mind, and networking with your sisters, and you'll get there! Remember ... we are here for you! And so is the Lord. He wants us to succeed in this terrible battle. And we will.

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  4. I had to read this a second time. The second verse you posted is powerful. My home is like that too, we have no priesthood, the poor choices of another have robbed my children...and in a way that second verse tells us mothers what to do. To bow our heads and invite the Father into our lives. It will quiet all our children's fears.

    thank you for this

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  5. Beautiful post ! I don't recall ever hearing either of those quotes, but thank you for sharing them !

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  6. Thank you for posting the words to that primary song. It has been a long time since I have thought about that song. Reading the last verse definitely made me emotional. We women have such a strong effect on our families.

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  7. Reading this reminds me of this quote from Sister Beck. It is one of those thoughts that profoundly impacted me.

    "Recently I reviewed this Primary song. You’re familiar with it. It says, “Mine is a home where ev’ry hour is blessed by the strength of priesthood pow’r, With father and mother leading the way.”

    "Mine is a home where every hour is blessed by the strength of priesthood power. That is your responsibility, sisters, to help your home be a home that is blessed every hour by priesthood power. It isn’t just when Dad is there. It’s not just when Mom is there. It’s not just
    when a priesthood ordinance or blessing is being performed. It’s every hour as ordinances, as covenants, are made and kept."
    http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/2011/pdf/JulieB_openingS.pdf

    I hurt for women and children who don't have a husband/father in their home/keeping his covenants. But your homes can still be blessed every hour by the strength of priesthood power as you as momma keep your covenants. And when your children reach covenant-keeping age after baptism, they can contribute to that power in your home in deliberate ways.

    I think that is so powerful, so freeing, so hope-filled.

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  8. I LOVE THIS! Thank you so much for sharing that quotation. I had never thought of it that way.

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    1. I hadn't either until Sister Beck taught this. It resonated so strongly with me. She's been such an amazing instrument for God's power in my life. I'm gonna miss her!

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